Draw my life

 Note - This is an abandoned script and done in notepad with no spell check. And I'm real bad at spelling.

Draw my life, hirumaredx.

I'm a bag fan of these kinds of videos and I they're pretty freakin easy to make. I mean, all you have to do is talk about yourself and draw stick figures and I already draw shitty picutres for half of my videos anyway. So without further adu,

actually I should probably warn you guys. I've told my life story to only a handful of people and they all think its pretty depressing so if your not in the mood to get bummed out you should probably just watch one of my other amazingly funny videos instead.

I was born on April 29th, 1992. I am currently 22 years old as of making this video. (lawl young boy -edited 1:40 PM 12/17/2018)

My childhood was pretty normal. Or at least I thought it was until I told other people about it.

In kindergarten I made a lot of friends and was a pretty outgoing child. In first grade I moved to a new school and made a whole bunch of new friends. Also I saw the first episode of Pokemon around this time. i still remember watching that shit on my 5 dollar tv in my room thinking it was the coolest shit ever.

In 2nd grade I moved to a new school again and made a whole bunch of new friends.

At the start of third grade there was this kid who sat in front of me that was way bigger and fatter than I was who started picking on me. Writing shit on my paper, stealing my pencils, the whole douchbag grade-school shabang. I didnt take this shit sitting down though, I'd steal his stupid pencils right back and rip his papers up. I was always one of the shorter kids in the class so he probably thought I was an easy target, so after a couple of days of this going down I talked to one of my friends in a different class and we organized a way  to stop this little problem.

This kid was way bigger than me, so I was at a huge disadvantage in a fair fight. So me and my friend waited for Recess because this wanna be bully didnt have any friends and just sat by himself under a tree. So while he was sitting in the shade doing nothing we jumped him. And since it was 2 on one we easily won that little exchange.

Then after recess was over we went back to class and this kid made a 180. He was super nice as shit and wanted to be my friend. I was hesitant at first but he seemed sincere so that was that. I moved to a new school about a month after that.

New school, kinda bummed about having to make new friends but I make due. After a couple of months I make a ton of new friends and develop my first crush and this girl named A. Nothing to special happened about that. I would hang out with her and her friends from time to time at recess and she told me she liked me in my ear one day at lunch. I'd like to say that I told her I liked her too and we had whatever 3rd graders call a relationship, but I totally bitched out and just avoided her for the rest of the year instead.

Then in 4th grade my mom went into rehab for the first time and me and my 2 sisters moved in with my grandmother, and my 6 month old brother went to live with his grandmother from his dads side.

I should probably mention that my mom was a drug addict, and the reason I went to a new school every year was because we would go and move in with whoever her new boyfriend or drug dealer was. all of my siblings are from different dads and I've lived in more motels than I can remember. I remember once, I bought this bug catching kit from the dollar store and tried to catch all of the cock roaches in the apartment and I filled that bad boy up. I was so use to cock roach apartments that I didnt know most houses weren't filled with them. Of course I'd take cock roaches over having to sleep outside in front of a church any day.

You see, when my mom wasn't able to get a motel we just slept at the local church. not inside or anything, but like in the back of it on the concrete. Fun fact, if you ever find yourself homeless and need a place to sleep, churches are usually pretty good at letting you stay there.

Sleeping outside and in roach motels wasn't really a problem, the biggest thing was finding food to eat. You see, during the day my mom and whoever her boyfriend was would lock us out during the day and we werent allowed back inside until night. So I had to make due with getting my own food during the day, not that we ever had any in the motels anyway. One day when we got to eat ramen noodels was a fucking feast. since i couldnt rely on my mother for food I just went to the local convenience store and just stole stuff. This homeless guy showed me this trick, where you could put some hot dogs from the roller into a 32.oz cup, fill it with ice, and just walk out the door. They didnt charge for ice for some reason but it worked. also, since I knew if i was the only person in the store the clerk would be suspicious if he saw a little kid walking around the store for so long looking over his shoulder and just walking out.

So what I would do is walk up and down the sides of the roads until I found 5 cents. A nickle, 5 pennys, whatever it just had to be 5 cents. Then i'd walk in the store, slip stuff into my pockets with one hand while picking up items and looking at them intently with the other, go over to the cheap candy and grab one of the 5 cent ones and go up to the counter and buy it. I got away with it every single time and showed my sisters how to do it to because I hated sharing with them.

All in all I thought i had a pretty great childhood, I mean my mom let me go outside where ever I wanted during the day and i could do whatever i wanted. I had a pretty positive attitude about all of this back then. when one of my moms boyfriends was choking my mom and he was doing it a little longer than usual I just grabed one of his knifes and threaten to stab him in the neck if he didnt let go. He stopped and I went back to doing my thing after he hit me like nothing happened. one day a group of people that my mom had kicked out this house we were staying at came back and beat everyone with baseball bats. I was pissed because i was going to miss the new episode of dragon ball z that was suppose to start when it all went down. They were in the middle of the cell saga back then and if you watched dragon ball z back then you know how awesome that shit was. cell was the best villian ever at this point.

So yah, enough about that stuff, I moved in with my grandmother in 4th grade and that was pretty cool. I mean, i couldn't go out whenever i wanted anymore for as long as I wanted, but we had food everyday which was pretty nice. 4th grade was also when yugioh came out and i was all over that shit. But then when my mom came back to visit she decided that yugioh cards were of the devil and threw them all away, making me want to have them even more than ever. Now i should mention my moms not religious, she was just a druggie. Now a days I have my own yugioh youtbue channel as well as this one and its doing pretty well.

So anyway, the reason my mom was visiting was because she ran away from her rehab clinic and was getting ready to go to a new one. this new rehab place was made special for women and had this section for single mothers so me and my sisters moved into a rehab clinic in 5th grade.

Now that place was actually not half bad and I have nothing but found memories of that place because they had activities and gave us presents and it was pretty great actually.
The school i went to was at this church school were everyone in the grade was in 1 class. Our 5th grade class was the biggest in the school and was about the size of a regular classroom. that school was pretty fun, the work was super easy, I made a lot of friends and had a great time. Afterschool we were taken to a youth center until my mom got out of work that had pool tables, ping pong, and free arcade games. This was also the time beyblades came out and I had figured out how to add a second metal ring to my top which made it unbeatable at school. This kid traded me a gameboy advance for my unbeatable beyblade and I accepted, because gameboy advances where all the rage.

Anyways, after 5th grade ended my mom was able to leave re-hab and enter this program for poor single mothers, where they gave us a house, food boxes, special fun classes to go to afterschool, and a shit ton of presents for Christmas. Of course I had to go to a new school as well for 6th grade which made my 6th new school in 6 years. Now I had so much fun back in 5th grade that I was pretty bummed out about going to a new school, and this place was in an upper middle class area with kids who had been friends with each other their whole lives.

To be honest it was kind of a culture shock, these kids where so much different than the kids I'd known before. They were all so well behaved and valued education and reading. I had never read a whole book in my life at this point but everyone else in class where reading these huge ass chapter books with no pictures.

It had turned out that I was way behind in school because my last one didnt teach us anything, so I had to go to remedial classes for a few months. The teacher in that class was great and I learned more in those few months than I had all of the previous year. Now I've always been really good at with school work and won a pizza party in 4th grade for coming in second place at a math meet. (fucking 4 x 7).
So after getting out of the remedial class I went back to the regular classes and had yet to make a new friend, which was weird considering how easily I made friends before.

I thought all the kids at this new school were weird and just gave up on them, and instead just spent all my time at the swing set. I'm pretty fucking good at swinging with all the practice I got. Anyways, after about half a year I finally got over myself and tried to make friends again and had fun for the rest of 6th grade. Turns out he kids were pretty freaking nice, they were just all in their own groups already and weren't interested in reaching out to the new kid who never talks.

Then in 7th grade I moved up to the middle school. I didnt have any classes with the friends I made the year before and sat by myself at lunch like some kind of loser. I also got it into my head for some reason that I'd only talk to people who had watched dragonball Z. I'm not sure why, I got over myself in a couple of months and made some great friends though.

In my 2nd semester in 7th grade we moved to a new house in the program. Before they had given us a small town house but the program had a pretty nice house for us to live in so  we moved far away. But the short bus from my middle school would drive all the way in the hell out to our house to pick me and my sister up and just assumed we'd do that again in 8th grade, but I was wrong.

Turns out there was another middle school really close to our house and i had to go there. This middle school, was located in the middle of a low income housing area and I just went from a higher middle class area to this school. The difference was like night and day. The work in 8th grade was 10 times easier than it was at my old school, and the kids were all super immature and could give two shits about school.

I remember on the first day at this new school, in 8th grade mind you, this kid made a fart noise with his mouth and the entire room erupted in laughter like it was the fucking funniest thing in the world.

I thought, "ok, this is pretty weird". Then 2 classes later, a different kid does the same thing with the same results. And eruption of laughter like he had just told the funniest joke in the world. It was then that i told myself "ok, I'm not going to associate with any of these kids" and I made zero friends in 8th grade. I talked to no one and know one tried talking to me. Going that long without talking to anyone and having no friends, i developed some social anxiety and became shy. I remember by the end of the year, wanting to talk to people but I just couldn't. there was this other kid at lunch who sat by himself that I saw everyday, and I sat close to him. I wanted to talk to him so bad just so i could have a friend but, but no matter what I did, what mental tricks i put myself through I could never bring myself to start a conversation with him. And tried a ton of times before school let out but i just couldnt do it. Being shy sucks and I dont recommend it to anyone.

Anyways 9th grade comes around and I signed up for football. In 7th grade the program I was in would pay for any sport i wanted and my mom signed me up for football and I was pretty good at it. Our coach said that if we had the chance, we should sign up for our schools team when we could and I just kinda decided to go for it.  I also took a weight lifting class in 8th grade so I was fit enough. 

A shy nerd playing football, what could go wrong right? well it turns out I was really really good because I had better reactions than everyone. When I played, my body would move on its own and it always did the right thing. Playing on pure reflexes is actually pretty damn effective in football. I wasnt the fastest, or strongest player on the team, but I was without a doubt the best player on the team because no one could beat me in drills and I got more sacks and tackles in games than everyone else on the team combined. There was one game where the other team started triple teaming me and completely shut down our defense, so our coachs strategy for beating that was to send one of the line backers in to take one of the guys off of me, because I could deal with a double team no problem.

Now let me tell you what happens when you become the best player on your schools football team, because 9th grade where I lived was still middleschool. You make a lot of friends whether you want to or not. There is no keeping to yourself anymore, because everyone is trying to be your best friend. Going from no one talking to me for a year, to everyone wanting to be my friends was a little jarring at first. Now I was still shy as shit but I was starting to come out of my shell. In 9th grade i was moved into all advance classes, because I kept getting a 100% on all my tests and the kids in the advance classes where so much more my type.

In advance algebra this guy who sat next to me looked like your stereotypical pot head, but had a mind like a calculator. I'd never seen a real genius before I met this kid. Since we both always got 100% on our tests we raced to see who could finish their test first. Since the dude had a brain like a calculator he always won, but I got close sometimes. So anyway I made a lot of friends and had a great time until the end of the year.

9th grade for me was around the time that myspace was all the rage and we got a new computer and I had all these people who wanted to add me to myspace so I made an account.

Now i'd get random messages from people I'd never met before all the time because of my football popularity but this one girl kept messaging me eveyday. She could keep the conversation going no matter what the hell it was and I literally talked about nothing. My social skills at this time where poor as shit but she acted like I was the funniest, most interesting person in the world and I fell for her hard.

She wasnt in any of my classes so we decided to meet up afterschool and she was way cuter than her picture and I was totally on cloud 9. Anyways, after being friends for 6-8 months she stopped talking to me one day out of the blue and blocked me on myspace. I had made some other really cool lady freinds before i met her and she did not like any of them and told me to stop talking to them. So i did like a little bitch, but one of these girls made a public comment on my myspace page, or however wall posts worked in myspace. she saw and super over reacted by removing me from her life.

Seeing as I was super in love with this girl and in the middle of puberty, where your emotions are stronger than they will ever be, I took it pretty damn hard.

About 2 weeks after said girl stopped talking to me, a good friend of mine tried to kill himself after being rejected by a girl he liked. I went and visited him in the hospital and he was not playing around, or doing it for attention. I'm not sure how he survived to be honest, but I hate to say it but that event helped me a little. I decided to do something about this crippling depression so i wouldn't go down the same path he did and learned how to turn off my emotions with lots of practice.

now the trick to turning off your emotions is actually pretty easy, it follows the same principal as saying a word over and over until it loses its meaning. What i did was focus on the emotion intensely whenever i felt anything, sad, happy, it didnt matter because I needed practice. I would focus on it, and internalize it like "so this is sad. I can feel it in my stomach. If I stand still I can feel it. So this is the emotion." After doing that for a few minutes the emotion just goes away. It wasnt until college that i realized this is called internationalization, a way to cope with stress.

Anyway after a while I didnt need to consciously intellectualize my emotions anymore because I did it automatically from doing it all the time and entered 10th grade with no emotions.

Now let me tell you what living a year with no emotions is like. School work was super easy, i've never been able to concentrate so intently on work in my whole life. I still had friends from middle school, and just latched onto them and didnt talk much. In my football JV team I was no longer the best player on the team, but i was still one of the best and got the nick name Serial Killer because I never talked to anyone or celebrated after getting sacks and tackles in games like everyone else. That year was, I dont know how to describe it. It wasnt bad, but it wasnt good either. It was so so. Interesting to say the least. It also killed my joy of watching the show dexter, because for someone whos suppose to not have emotion he sure does show a lot of fucking emotion.

But anyway, the summer before 11th grade I turned 16 and my mom made me get a job and working in customer service all summer pulled me out of that trance.

(End of script, probably got tired of typing for the day and just never finished it upon a re-read)